I haven't sat down to write in a while. It's not that I haven't had time, but just that I've been so caught up in all the many other things going on that I haven't really thought about it. With that being said, right now, this small, transitory chapter of my life is one I really want to remember.
I leave for college in eleven days. Oh my goodness. My throat tightens up a bit at the thought. I feel so many things all at once. I am scared and excited and thrilled and nervous and happy all at once. I can't wait to begin this new adventure, but I'm also a bit sad, knowing that I will be leaving what I've grown up with, my childhood, behind. Not only will I be hours away from my family, but from the area I know, the places I frequent, the familiarity of living in one place for so many years. I will be leaving the routines and security of knowing what's next for a great, gaping unknown.
But oh goodness is it exciting! I will be living with people I have not met, running my own schedule, totally in control of making sure I have what I need, managing my own affairs, and knowing that the responsibility for my life is my own. I will be looking for the future, for where my path will take me once college is done. A lot of that I don't quite know yet. Especially since, as scary as it is to say, I don't know exactly what I want to do after college.
Really, that is a very normal thing for young people to not know. At least half of my friends don't have any firm ideas yet. But for me...I always knew exactly. Or so I thought. Since third grade, I've said I wanted to become a doctor. Until I got older and realized that I really did not want that life for myself. So my path is veering in an unknown direction that might lead me far away from the medical field entirely. I just have to trust God and know that He will make my paths straight, just like He has faithfully so far (and yet it is so hard for me to trust Him, even when I know that He will never, ever fail me).
In fact, that brings me around to something else that I have been doing lately: I opened up my own "business" of sorts, selling prints. I opened up a shop on Etsy called Bright Light Designs and am selling photographs and digital art prints. I am very excited about it, especially because of what I hope to do with the shop. But that really deserves its own post, so I will wait to write more on that for now. In the meantime, check out my shop!
So back to right now, what I want to remember. I have these last few days here, less than two weeks. Only a few more days working at the job I love. In two years, traversing to college will probably seem old hat. I'll think back and realize that I had nothing to worry about. But right now, I do worry and wonder and dream. It's all a blank book, the words not yet scrawled in. That's kind of a nice feeling, knowing that I have so many options and opportunities ahead. Exhilarating in the way that a roller coaster is - scary and heart wrenching, but exciting and fun, with the knowledge of unexpected twists and turns ahead. I want to remember the fluttery feeling in my chest - as if my heart is full of helium, but weighted down with sandbags - and the tightness of my throat - the same you get right before walking on to a stage or taking a huge test. This time won't happen again. Right between childhood and adulthood, between living at home and independence, between what I know and what has yet to be discovered.
I have eleven days left - and you better bet that I am going to make the most of every single one of them.