Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Fix all the things!!!

Some days, that's all I want to do. Fix everything. If there is a problem, it is up to Super Savannah to save the day!

Except. I'm not Super. And most of the time, I sure can't save the day. I know this in my head. All the logic stuffed into my cranium tells me this all the time. But my heart? It could care less about any logic. It just keeps telling me to FIXALLTHETHINGS.

If a friend has a problem, I feel like I have to find the perfect solution. If there is a typo somewhere, I need to make sure it's changed. If someone is confused about something, then I better help them figure out the solution. I mean, those all sound like great things to do, right? I'm helping people, right?

Except sometimes help isn't help at all. Sometimes it can just be annoying. I know I don't like it when people keep reminding me or advising me or "helping" me with things that I don't need help on. Managers that remind me how to do something that I've done -- correctly -- dozens of times. Teachers that remind you about an upcoming deadline every single day...for six weeks. That person who corrects every grammatical mistake? Yeah, I can be that person. It gets old quickly.

In the past, this has been a huge problem for me. Honestly, friendships have been torn apart because of my urge to help too much. Luckily, I can see the issue for what it is now. Self-realization is a wonderful thing, even if it really isn't that pleasant.

I once heard someone say something along the lines of, "Help is only help if it's asked for; otherwise, it's just an intrusion." That's definitely paraphrasing, but I can't recall where or when I heard it, if it was a person, on the radio, or online, so the approximation is what I've got. Regardless, it is so true.

So that is something I am working on. Help only when help is asked for.

Now I'm not referring to charity or volunteering or the like. That's an entirely different topic. I mean the little things. The ones that make me think, "I can make this all better!" And you know what? Maybe it isn't such a different topic at all. Maybe it's that I see all the things wrong in the world -- the big things, like the millions of neglected orphans, or massive political turmoil, or corrupt business practices -- and I get overwhelmed. So instead of trying to think of how I could fix those problems, I subconsciously find relatively tiny things that I can conceivably fix and try to do so even when it really is a bit silly.

In essence, I see that I'm no super hero, and I can't save the world, but part of me still wants to anyway. The good news is: that's what God is there for. We don't have to fix all the things wrong. We aren't meant to fix them all. Sure we should help as best we can. We're supposed to do that. But be perfect? Bring about world peace? We can't do that. Only God can do that, in His perfect timing that we can never, ever possibly understand.

God's plans are bigger than this planet and our few decades on it. They are bigger than our understanding of the past, present, and future and bigger than all of human knowledge combines. They are bigger than everything and every happening and every way things work in the entirety of existence.

A scary thought. But, to me, also pretty comforting. Because I know, that no matter how many things, big or small, that I fail to fix, in the end, it will be okay. And don't we all need to know that?

Sunday, March 10, 2013


Reading through the Bible, specifically the Old Testament prophets, I am amazed at God's power. How can I even try to describe it? What words can I use to describe this incredible sense of how large God is, and knowing that my understanding is nothing compared to God's true might.

Everything we read in the Bible - the loss and gain of Israel's independence over and over, John the Baptist, Christ - all of that has been orchestrated precisely by God. And foretold. That's the part that amazes me. Not only does God make amazing things happen, but He tells us what will happen, and in some cases, exactly how.

Jesus's entire life fulfilled so many prophecies and his death mirrored the sacrificial procedures to an incredible extent. If you read the Old Testament descriptions of sacrifices, and then read about Christ's life and death, there is no denying that He truly was the ultimate sacrifice in the very literal sense.

The way God wove all of that together into a beautiful, redeeming gift leaves me breathless. Our God is a remarkable God.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Thinking About College

Since I'll be going to college in a few months, and making my decision within weeks, I've been thinking about college a lot. Many times a day, every day. I haven't heard from all the colleges I applied to yet, so there is still that unknown, but for the most part, my options have been pretty straightforward. I had a mental list of the colleges, in the order that I most wanted to go to them, considering they were affordable. Everything was in order.

However, little things kept going wrong. Annoying, silly things that shouldn't have happened - one after another. My school wouldn't send my transcripts. The letter of recommendation wouldn't submit. The school form wouldn't process, over a month after it should have.

At the time, I dismissed all of these troubles as little, ordinary inconveniences. Now, I am starting to think that there may have been a larger purpose. Why? An out-of-the-blue surprise.

I received a letter from a college that I hadn't even considered or given any thought to. Usually I just throw away all the spam mail from random colleges, but I opened this letter. Maybe it was something about the big, orange starburst on the envelope front that said, "SCHOLARSHIP INFORMATION."

I pulled out the single, 8.5" x 11" piece of paper and skimmed over it. Then I read it again. They were offering me a full ride, plus a stipend each semester. Nearly all expenses covered.

At first, I didn't think too much of it. After all, I hadn't applied there and it wasn't one of my choices. But as days went on, it started growing in my mind. My parents started looking into it, I browsed their website. Everything about this college felt right, and still right now, feels right.

Some reasons why:
  1. I had been saying for a while that I would end up going wherever is cheapest; this school has proved to definitely be cheapest.
  2. - I want to go somewhere that has a lot of good research opportunities in the realm of Nueroscience (my intended major); this university has an entire school devoted to brain studies.
  3. I've had to share a room with one, and sometimes both, siblings for the past four years, and I am a fairly picky/light sleeper - so the prospect of sleeping in a dorm with someone I didn't know wasn't all too exciting; this university has suite style dorms, so I will pretty much have my own room. I will have more space than I have had in years. Holla! (Yes. I did just say that.)
  4. This is the first university that I can really see myself at. None of the others that I visited or applied to felt, well, right. The atmosphere and ideals never quite fit me and my interests and goals. Until this school. Even - no especially - for a totally off the radar school, it feels perfect.

I still have a few weeks to make my decision for certain.I'll be going to visit in a few weeks, around the time that I'll here the "for certain" from the two other colleges I haven't yet heard from. I have options to weigh and things to consider. Mostly, though, I'm trying to listen to God's prompting. Right now, I feel very led towards this school.

I must say, I am pretty excited!